Much of human life is repetition. Our days tend to acquire patterns determined by our life situation. When we are young, in grammar school for instance, our days will have a different shape and pattern than will be the case when we are teenagers. When we are college students our days will be different from those after our graduation. Our married lives before the arrival of children will have a different shape than they will after we become parents.
The broad shape of our activity will be different on days when we are working, or in school, versus those on holidays. Days-off spent in our home environment will look different from those when we are away on vacation.
Our individual behaviors will be shaped in part by the broad pattern of our day. When we rise and go to bed; how much interaction we have with family, co-workers, friends, strangers, service providers, etc. But much of our activity will be the same regardless of issues such as whether we are working or on vacation. We will still eat and sleep and perform necessary physical and social maintenance functions no matter where we are or what else we might be doing.
It has been estimated that of the 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts a person has in a day, 95% are exactly the same thoughts she had on the previous day (National Science Foundation study, 2005).
The same rough relationship will certainly hold for our activities. Whether the number is 95% or 85% or 75% is immaterial. Most of what we do each day repeats what we did yesterday and will be repeated tomorrow.
The more repetitive a behavior, the more automatic it becomes. The more automatic the behavior the less deliberate it is; the less conscious; the less considered.
I can sometimes shower, shave, dress and prepare to leave my home in the morning without consciously thinking about any element of that process; while thinking actively about something completely unrelated to those preparations.
If I find I am out of toothpaste, though, that discovery will draw my attention and I will need to consider the problem, decide how to respond and take appropriate action.
The actions needed to prepare to leave the house in the morning have become conditioned behaviors; done over and over the same way for years; generally requiring no deliberate thought.
The same is true of my interactions with those I encounter when I stop for coffee on the way to work, for example.
I will greet some of those I encounter, and my greeting formula will reflect our relationship or the situation. “Good morning” will seem appropriate for some. “How are you, today?” might be added for others. For some, a smile; for others, a nod. Others I will not greet. Perhaps I don’t know the person and there is no connection between us; our eyes don’t meet and there is no trigger suggesting a greeting is appropriate.
I say “please” when I order my coffee and “thank you” when I receive it and “have a good day” when I leave. I wait for the “wait” light to change to “walk” before I cross the street and I hold the door for a woman to enter the building before me.
That’s just how I behave in my normal daily activity.
I don’t need to think about saying “please” and “thank you”. On the other hand, if I wanted to stop using a polite formula or behavior, I could; but it would take thought, time and practice.
It would require a thoughtful, considered change in behavior pattern. And If I wanted to adopt a new behavior I could do that also; but that, too, would require considered thought and practice over time.
Even though many our daily activities are repetitive and conditioned, we are frequently confronted with the need to act in situations that are not routine. In those cases, we need to consciously decide what we will do and how we will do it. We need to give appropriate consideration to the situation and decide how to act.
The level of consideration that will be appropriate will be a matter, generally, of how far outside the bounds of routine the situation is and the level of perceived risk in the decision.
On one end of the spectrum, perhaps my wife asked me to bring home chocolate ice cream for dessert, but the store has no chocolate ice cream. Deciding what to do will require little thought and involves insignificant risk.
Deciding to get married, though, or to divorce, or to change jobs or to relocate, would be at the other end of the spectrum; clearly deserving of much consideration and involving significant risk.
Most of our interactions with others will be in situations calling on our patterns of conditioned behavior. Through deliberate decision-making and practice we can change those patterns.
But we will likely make the greatest impact on others in situations requiring considered behavior. How I make decisions in situations requiring considered behavior, then, will be of greatest importance to my impact on my fellow human beings.
©Charles R. Lightner